my mom is a well intentioned yet nosy mom and she always wants to hook me up with people. it leads to some text message gems so the other day i went through and screenshotted the best. please enjoy.
“I either just met a nice gay girl or a bigot” is bar none the absolute best text anyone has ever sent in the history of the human race nosy mom accidentally sums up the entire debate about the word q*eer in one historic text message it’s indescribably beautiful
#this enrages me every time i see it for the simple fact that john mulaney would have been 15 when princess diana died #which begs the question #if he’s lying #does that mean he did it?
Well… it looks like our luck’s finally run out, wouldn’t ye say?
Can’t say we didn’t ‘ave our share o’ laughs, it were certainly a riot while it lasted. Maybe more at yer expense than mine, but ye ‘ave ter admit, ye could appreciate th’ joke after th’ fact, even when ol’ Krabs got th’ best o’ ye in the moment.
I don’t regret a minute o’ how long I’ve known ye. Ye made me life better just by knowin’ me, an’ I appreciate that. I know I may not’ve shown it always, in fact I bet I’ve mistreated ye more than once an’ never apologized. That’s just who I be, an’ though I may not’ve been th’ best man in th’ world, I was meself th’ whole time.
I know ye probably think I’m th’ toughest, meanest salt in th’ sea, a fearless ol’ bastard who never let anythin’ bother ‘im. But right now… I don’t know what’s gonna happen ter me come mornin’.
I’ve said me goodbyes, an’ you’ve said yers. We should be makin’ the best o’ our time while we’ve got it. But if ye kin let me be selfish just one more time…
Please, stay wit’ me until it happens. I don’t wanna be alone right now…
“My father, who had been in the military himself, was a sergeant, and he said to me ‘Now listen, when you go away to summer camp’ he said ‘I want you to know that there are lesbians up there.’ I said, ‘Really, Dad?’ He said ‘Yes, and I want you to be careful, they’re in huts H and J.’ I said ‘H and J, Dad?’ He said ‘Yes’ I said ‘OK, I’ll be careful.’ I go in to check in [and], of course, one of my lesbian buddies is on the desk. She says, ‘What huts do you want?’ I said, ‘Either H or J would be just fine’”
Hey, y’all remember in P1 when GLaDOS’ Morality Core fell off and then she laughed and said “good news” and her whole tone of voice just switched and it was super chilling and a little gay and it absolutely fucking reverberated down your spine?
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